At the beginning of the summer, I started to feel tired. Not just physically tired. Existentially tired. The thought of setting a new goal or thinking about "what's next" made me want to cry. "I just want to rest and enjoy my life," I thought.
And so I did. Without really understanding why, I took a major step back from social media, from marketing and writing, and from goal-setting, visioning, or manifesting anything. I coached my current clients, took long lunches with friends, and sat at the beach and stared at the ocean.
I told very few people what I was doing. Part of me wanted to judge myself - what are you doing, you can't rest?! Don't you know you're an ENTREPRENEUR?! But a bigger, wiser part of me knew that I had to give myself this time to rest. To integrate.
One night when I was in Montana the other week with my mastermind group, I sat next to a woman at dinner who I'd never had the chance to connect super deeply with. As we were comparing notes on our respective journeys, I found myself telling her the story of my past three years start to finish. I am constantly analyzing and processing my own experience, so some of the anecdotes were well-rehearsed. But I had never told it from this specific vantage point before. And something clicked.
Those of you who have been following me for awhile know that three years ago this summer a big part of my life fell apart around me. In many ways, it was the collapsing star that catalyzed the supernova of personal, spiritual, and financial growth I've experienced over this chapter of my life. And as I was recounting this experience to my friend, I realized that truly, the rate of expansion over the past couple years has been incredible (even if my ego and fear always tells me it's not going fast enough).
No wonder I was tired.
No wonder I couldn't set a goal.
I have everything I wanted three years ago.
More importantly, I've become the woman I knew was within me all along.
So now what?
I couldn't even think about it.
And yet, the laws of nature apply to us as well. You can always trust that even as the tide goes out, it will come back in. So over the past few days I've slowly been feeling the spark of creativity coming back into my blood. The desire to write again. The desire to create experiences and share wisdom, not that I read in a book, but that has been hard-won through my blood, sweat, and tears, and yes, created a shit ton of magic along the way.
As I gradually come back to life, I feel reborn. Which in a way, I am. My life looks completely different than it did three years ago. Some of the biggest changes - like moving to LA - weren't even on my radar then. I'm a completely different person and also more of myself than I ever have been.
It's very easy to get caught up in the go-go-go mentality of our world. But everyone, especially if you're as committed to deep transformational work as I am, needs integration time.
And this is the magic. When we can trust our own cycles of expansion and contraction, death and life, surrender and inspired action. When we can learn to listen and ask for what we need. Whether that's bigger, bolder action, or deep, passive rest. Because you can't have one without the other.
I can already feel the dynamism of the fall and I'm so excited to share with you all what's coming next. The podcast will be back and I will be sharing new writing on the regular. I'm also putting together a course based on the principles I've used over the past three years to tap into my magic and completely transform my life and business (you can get on the early-bird list here).
I'm so grateful to have shared the journey with you up until now, and I can't wait to see what's next.