You may not know this about me, but I've been terrified of spiders since I was a little girl. I'm not scared of most things, but spiders get me every time. A few years ago, when I was first starting my divine feminine awakening journey, I read somewhere that since spiders represent the Divine Feminine creative force of the Universe, a woman who's afraid of spiders is also afraid of her power. Which means on a certain level, she is afraid of herself.
This rang so true to me that I committed to working through my fear of spiders then and there. A few months later, my sister tried to scare me with one, and even though my throat was tight I didn't run away. And as I've gone deeper and deeper into exploring this shadow, I thought I had worked through my fear of spiders once and for all.
Until the night before this week's solar eclipse. Right now I'm home visiting my parents in the Pennsylvania woods, and late summer is prime spider time. My parents also have certain hippie-ish tendencies and don't believe in air conditioning, so they leave the doors open to whatever creepy-crawlies might want to join the party. Including spiders.
Imagine my horror when, between 10 pm and 1 am the night before the eclipse, I found not one, not two, but FIVE spiders in my room. One was even booking it across the floor towards my bed before I saw it. Luckily I had an abundance of water glasses in my room and was able to trap them all, but not before I became good and thoroughly triggered. My heart was pounding, the energy was flowing, and there was no way in hell I was going to sleep. I kept imagining a spider making its way onto my bed, over my pillow onto my face, and it was enough to keep me up for another few hours.
Needless to say I didn't sleep much.
The morning of the eclipse, I was so emotional I could barely function. I realized that even though I may have worked through my fear of one, singular spider, the fact that five of them had ganged up on me in the middle of the night, right before the solar eclipse felt too significant to ignore.
It goes without saying that this eclipse was a potent one, and ancient wisdom suggests that eclipses are a time to go within and to face our shadows so we can bring them into the light for healing. I realized that this was just another layer of my healing, to face my fears, and hold even more space for myself and the impact I'm here to make in the world.
When we go to make our magic and share our message with the world, our fears are going to rise up in order to keep us safe. But oftentimes, there's not actually anything to be afraid OF. The spiders can't actually hurt me. Other people's opinions or what they think of you definitely can't hurt you.
The problem is when we let our fears run the show, and keep us from taking the action and putting ourselves out there in the way we feel called to, we let them win.
We deprive the world of our magic.
What fears are holding you back from sharing your magic? That are keeping you playing small, stuck, or spinning your wheels?
Start to question them. Where are they real or not real? And what action can you take to start moving through it?
Reply back and let me know!
I believe in you,